Die, Jon Snow
by Frost145
Summary: Catelyn Stark has no love for her husbands Bastard, Jon Snow. He reminds her of her husbands betrayal. When she curses Jon and he falls ill, will Catelyn allow an innocent boy to die for her jealousy?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

The first time Catelyn saw Jon Snow, she didn't know how to feel. Her husband held in his arms the child of another woman. He didn't hide the fact that the boy was his. Ned told her that the boy would be raised in Winterfell beside Robb. Her husband, the most honorable man in the seven kingdoms had betrayed their marriage vows ands brought dishonor on her. And if that wasn't enough he brought her more pain by allowing the child to live in her home and be raised by her son. Their son.

Catelyn looked over the balcony to where Robb and Jon were sparring in the yard. Both six years old, the boys had recently begun to train with the master at arms. As she looked at the boys blocking incoming attacks from each other, she couldn't help but feel disgusted. A bastard boy training along side her Trueborn son. Catelyn glared down at Jon when he deflected Robb's attack which nocked her son to the ground.

"That is enough." Catelyn began to descend from the balcony. The previous sounds of metal on metal had stopped, leaving the yard silent. As she walked to where the boys sparred she felt her face getting warm. She looked at Jon who began to shy away from her attention. "In what world do you think it is acceptable to strike down the heir of Winterfell, Bastard?" others who were watching the young boys spar turned to Lady Stark. The boy held a look of fear in his eyes, wondering what Lady Catelyn would do. The boy slowly began to respond. "Lady Catelyn I didn't mean to- I swear I would never hurt Robb. Sorry Lady-" The boy was cut off as Catelyn raised her hand, ready to slap the boy.

"Catelyn, what are you doing?" Ned yelled. In the time that Catelyn had been married to Ned, he only rose his voice on a few occasions. He did not anger often but when he did, it was for serious reasons. She remembers the few times he grew angry but it had never been aimed at her. Until today. Ned dismissed the people around the training yard who held serious looks on their faces. As they fled from the yard, Robb stood up and looked toward his father. Catelyn could see fire in Ned's eyes burning with anger towards his wife. "You will never attempt to lay a hand on my son ever again. Do you understand Catelyn?"

Catelyn paused for a moment, why should she allow her son to be beaten by a Bastard? She wouldn't allow herself and Robb to be degraded. "So Robb can be beaten up by this Bastard? Ned, he pushed Robb to the ground, I could see it Ned. He was going to hurt our son. Why should this Bastard train with the heir of Winterfell. It isn't right."Ned's turned a deeper shade of red upon hearing what his wife said. He turned to the boys and spoke softly. "Robb, Jon go to your rooms and don't come out until I come to get you." The boys ran towards their chambers together, only Jon looked back at his father. Ned watched the boys leave and turned his gaze to Catelyn.

"Why is he here Ned? Every time is see him I think how you broke our wedding vows. I look into his brown eyes and see a stranger looking back at me. It's not enough that he exists, but must he live with your family? You wont even tell me her name. The woman you loved more than me. The woman you dishonored me for. At least have the decency to tell me her name."

Ned's eyes darkened. "You must never ask me that question again. I love you Catelyn, but I wont tell you who Jon's mother is." Tears began to fall from Catelyn's eyes as she watched Ned leave the yard. He made is way towards the boys chambers.

Catelyn stood alone in the training yard, the tears slowed until none remained. She knew that she should let it go. She would never know of the woman who captured her husbands heart those years ago. But she couldn't. She needed to know who Jon's mother was. She cursed the unknown woman who had brought this misery to her life. She cursed Jon who remained in Winterfell. Who's presence would always remind her that Ned loved another woman more than her. The boy who made her life a living hell.

Once the tears stopped and her face dried, Catelyn went to her daughters chambers. Being with Sanza would make her feel better. As she opened the door, the little girl ran over to her. Catelyn picked up her daughter and sat herself in the chair beside the only window in the room. Through the window she could see the training yard where Ned played games with Robb and Jon. The boys were laughing as their father chased them through out the yard. Ned himself had a smile on his face as he caught both boys in his arms.  
Catelyn looked to Jon Snow who smiled up at his father. "I hope you die Bastard. Die, Jon Snow."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Jon Snow knew he was not a Stark. He knew that Robb was his brother and Lord Eddard was his father, But Lady Catelyn was not his mother. He was a Bastard. Months before he heard Theon Greyjoy call him a Bastard but he didn't know what it meant. When he went to his father and asked what Bastard meant, his father told Jon of his birth. "I am your father Jon, never question that. But Lady Catelyn is not your mother. All you need to know is that my blood runs through your veins. " When Jon asked who his mother was, Lord Eddard did not answer and told Jon he would tell him one day. "There is more. You are my blood but you will never be a Stark. You won't rule Winterfell or be a lord. Jon, you wont inherit anything from me." He looked into his fathers eyes and saw sadness within them. Being that Jon was six, he didn't fully understand what his father was saying but went along with the conversation. "Okay father."

Now as Jon got ready for a morning of training with Robb, he began to tire. He was about to sit down when Robb came bursting through the was smiling. " Jon- father said were not training today. Were to go with him on a hunt. Isn't it great!" the boys had never been on a hunt before. Robb and Jon had asked Lord Stark in the past if they could join him but he always responded that they were too young.

Jon looked over to Robb. "When are we leaving?" He asked his brother. Robb bounced around the room only stopping when he realized Jon spoke to him. " We leave now. Pack some clothes and your furs. Father said its colder on a hunt than in the castle." Jon began to throw some of his clothes in his pack and searched for his fur coat. When he found it he saw Robb waiting for him by the door. The two boys went in search of their father. Jon left Robb sto say his farwells to Lady Stark. He knew the Lady Caetlyn disliked Jon and chose to stay out of her sights. After Robb returned to Jon, the pair went to find their father.

After the boys were ready, Lord Stark and his sons left Winterfell. They traveled by horseback for a few hours until they made camp and got their hunting equoptment ready. Jon gathered his materials as his father bent down beside him. He looked at Jon as his eyebrows rose. "Jon are you well? You are looking faint." In truth Jon had been feeling unwell since that moring but he didn't want to ruin the hunting trip for Robb. "Father I am well. Just a bit tired." Lord Stark looked at Jon as if he didn't believe him and went to check on Robb.

Jon and Robb hunted with their father for a few hours until returning to camp. They caught 3 rabbits and father shot a deer. As Lord Stark prepared dinner with Robb's help, Jon decided to rest. He began to feel tired and dizzy during the hunt but haddent told father in fear of going home. sleep overtook Jon within minutes.

 **Eddard Stark**

Ned looked over at Robb. The boy was helping him make dinner. He began to look around for Jon. The boy seemed more quiet than normal today. Ned got to his feet and walked over to the shelter where he found Jon asleep. The boy looked strikingly pale and feverish and he slept. As Ned turned to leave he could hear Jon's soft wimpering as if he was in pain. Ned went back to where Robb sat preparing food. "Son we need to go back to Winterfell. Jon is sick and we need to get him to a Maester. We can go hunting again when Jon is well." He looked into his sons eyes to find the boy wasn't upset as he predicted. Robb looked over to the shelter. "It's okay father, I will pack our things." Ned and Robb took down the camp until they got to the shelter where Jon slept. Ned picked his sleeping son up and put him on his horse. After packing up their supplies, Ned and Robb set off on their horses. Jon remained asleep on his fathers horse which suprised Ned. They began their journey to Winterfell.

A few hours later the trio arrived at Winterfell. Ned looked at Robb. "Go get the Maester and tell him to go to Jon's chambers." Robb disappeared as Ned took Jon into his arms and carried him up to His chambers. He looked down at his son to notice how pale he was and how he wimpered softly. By the time Ned arrieved at Jon's chambers, the Maester was there waiting for Ned to put the boy down. The maester asked Ned and Robb to leave the room while he examined Jon. Ned left his sons room feeling confused. He hoped the maester could help his son.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Catelyn knew something was wrong when she saw Ned and Robb riding toward Winterfell. Her husband had told her that morning he and the boys would be leaving for a hunting trip. They were due to arrive home in 4 more days. It was when Catelyn saw her huband dismount his horse as he reached the gates, the expression on his face, she knew. Ned took the Bastard (who was on his horse) into his arms and carried him past the gates. She saw Robb run ahead of his father towards the Maester's quarters. Catelyn made her way towards the Bastards chambers only to see Ned and Robb leaving the room. From the look in Ned's eyes, she could tell it was bad. She walked over to her husband and her son, leading them to her chamber. She took a seat in the chair by the window. It was a quiet and cold night outside. The moon was full and there were no clouds to be seen in the sky. She cleared her throat and looked at Ned.

"What happened to the Bastard?" she asked questionly. Robb ran to his mother and sat in her lap. The boy looked scared and his eyes had a clear glaze."We went hunting and Jon got sick moma. We came home because father said we needed the Maester." Her son looked conserned for the Bastard. "Robb, why don't you go get a snack from the kitchen. Someone will make you something okay?"

Reluctantly Robb left the room in search of a snack. It was when she was alone with Ned that she looked at her husband. "What happened to him?" This was a suprising question for Catelyn to ask. Ned was visibly surprised but quickly masked it with concern. "We went hunting and he seemed fine until we got back to camp. He was pale and feaverish Cat. On our way back to Winterfell I could see spots forming on his face. It may be the Pox."

As soon as her husband said this, Catelyn knew this was her fault. She wanted the Basterd to die. She wished the young boy dead not but a few days ago. It was her that wished the illness over the boy. Catelyn went silent. What would she say to Ned? That she wished his other son dead because she was jealous of the boys mother?

Before she could respond a knock sounded at the door. Ned was the closest to the door and opened it to reveal the Maester. The Maester looked at Ned and Catelyn with a solumn expression. "I'm afraid the boy had the pox. A bad case of it too. Honestly I am not sure he will survive this Lord Stark. I'm sorry for the news but I will watch over him through the night." The Maester left Catelyn alone with Ned in their chambers. Ned remained frozen looking towards the door. Catelyn slowly walked over to her husband and put her arm on his shoulder. Ned's eyes were glossy and his expression grim. Suddenly Robb returned to his parents chambers. She and Ned broke a part as her son ran towards her. Catelyn took her son into her arms and hugged him. "Come on Robb lets get you into bed." She carried her son into his chambers leaving Ned behind. When her son had climbed into his bed and began to fall alseep, Catelyn began to reach for the door when she heard her son. "Will Jon be okay moma? I don't want him to die."

In that moment Catelyn had never felt worse than she ever had. She wished the death of a boy the same age as Robb. A boy who was innocent and didn't have a mother to love him. Catelyn wished the child to die, not thinking about what his absence would do to Robb. What had she done?

* * *

Disclaimer: I do not own this story or any of it's characters


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Jon lay in his chambers with one thought. _If I die, will I get to see my mother? Will I know who she is?_ Jon knew he was sick. He had been asleep for a long time and only recently woken up. The world seemed foggy to him, like he wasn't truly awake. His head ached as well as his limbs. It felt like someone was sitting on Jon's chest so he couldn't breathe. The room was quiet. The only person in the room with him was the Maester. The man was silent as he read a book which sat in his lap. He hadn't notice Jon had awoken. It was when Jon started to cough that the Maester looked towards him. His chest burned with each cough he made. "Good morning Jon" The Maester had a small smile on his lips but it didn't reach his eyes. Jon knew something was wrong. "Maester, am I going to die?" The smile fell from the Maesters lips. He paused for a moment, unsure how to proceed. It was enough for Jon to know that his situation wasn't good. Unsure what to say, the Maester gave Jon milk of the poppy so the boy could rest. Jon felt tired. Like his limbs were not there. As his eyelids began to close again his thoughts returned to his mother. _Will I get to meet her if I die?_

 _Catelyn_

When morning came, most of the castle knew of Lord Starks return to the castle. In the dining hall many of the Ladies asked Catelyn why he husband had returned. She told them all about the Bastard and how he had the pox. She couldn't stay around the people too long. Catelyn thought the people could look into her eyes and know the truth. How the boy got sick. She went to Sanza's chambers and decided to spend the rest of the day with her little girl. She found out a few days ago that she was with child but didn't know how to tell Ned. Would he be happy? She decided she would wait to tell him. Her thoughts went to the Bastard. She hadn't seen him since he got the pox and didn't know how he was doing. _Why should I care whether the Bastard lives or dies?_

With Sanza in her arms, Catelyn took her daughter for a walk in Winterfells's couryard. Where the boys would normally be sparring, an empty yard apeared in front of her. _Robb. She forgot to see what Robb would be doing today._ Catelyn and her daughter wandered around the castle near and hour with no sign of Robb. She couldn't find her son anywhere. Sanza remained quiet in her arms. Her daughter had fallen asleep a half hour before. Catelyn returned to Sanza's chambers and laid her daughter in her crib. One of the maids would watch her daughter as she looked for Robb.

When she passed the Bastards chambers, Catelyn heard voiced inside. She opened the door to find The Maester, Ned and Robb inside. The Bastard was asleep in his bed, looking pale as his pillow case. The closer she got into the room, the worse the child looked. He had dark circles under his eyes, red splotches over his visible skin. The child was coughing and whimpering she noticed. Catelyn feels a tap on her should and turns to see Ned. She realizes he was talking to her but she had not noticed. "What is being done for him?" Catelyn asked the Maester. The Maester shook his head. "I'm afraid there is not much I can give the boy. I gave him milk of the poppy so he would rest and to take away his pain. There is nothing else I can do. It's to see if the boy is strong enough to live." The room got quiet, Catelyn turned to Ned. She didn't know what she could say to him. Catelyn turned towards the door and just as she reached the door, she looked over her shoulder. Robb sat in front of the bed holding his brothers hand. He looked hopeless. Catelyn exited the room and went to he study. It was the warmest room in all Winterfell because of hot springs under the ground. She took a seat, Turing to the window. The view the same as it had always been, looked different to her.

Her thoughts returned to the Bastard. She knew this was her fault. She wished him dead. Is it so wrong for her to wish the boy dead? He is a reminder to everyone that Ned was not faithful to her. She should hate the boy who rightfully shouldn't exist. But is it right to wish death on him? Catelyn didn't like the boy, but would she be a monster for causing his death. How could she live knowing she killed a boy of six, a boy who is a brother to her son. As Catelyn sat in her study she struggled with her thoughts of the Bastard. _He should die. Shouldn't he?_


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

When Catelyn went down to the great hall that night for supper, she knew Ned wouldn't be there. He had been in the Bastards room all day, having his meals served to him. Catelyn looked across the hall and decided to sit with the High Born Lords and their wives. She tried to carry her end of conversations but she felt exhausted. She said her goodbye's and left the hall. As she moved through out the halls of Winterfell she noticed a solemn feeling over the castle. Since Ned and the boys had come back, the atmosphere around Winterfell was grave. Catelyn couldn't understand the change. It was the Bastard who was ill, not the Lord of Winterfell. Why should everyone else care about the motherless child. When people talked to her, they held sympathy for the boy they had ignored for six years. No one truly cared for the boy but Ned and Robb. Shw was on her way to Sanza's room. Her daughter had been with a maid for the later half of the day. She missed Sanza. Her thoughts were interrupted when a figure crashed into her, knocking her to the floor. Catelyn saw the figure to be that of Theon Greyjoy.

"I'm sorry Lady Stark I was sent to find you and bring you to Jon's chambers. Lord Stark says you should come now." Upon closer examination Catelyn saw his expression was that of terror. "Theon there is no need to be scared, you only bumped into me. But do not do that again. I forgive you this time young man." Theon was a few years older than Robb. He had started to grow tall already at his young age. "Pardon Lady Stark that's not why I'm a bit nervous. I am sorry for knocking you down though. It's Jon you see. The Maester said he took a turn for the worse. His fever is rising and he's having trouble breathing. Lord Stark is not taking it well. He needs you with him." Catelyn was suprised. Theon had never taken a liking to the Bastard in the past. He always made fun of the boy and called his unknown mother a whore. Jon never stood up to Theon. He took whatever the Iron born said. But now the boy was showing genuine concern for the Bastard.

Catelyn began walking to the Bastards rooms. The were in the tower, higher than Robbs or even her own chambers. The journey to the top of the tower was especially difficult for her today. She was tired as it was and felt her energy draining. Finally she reached the top of the stairway and looked at the door. It was partially open and she could see a candle making shadows on the walls. As she got closer to the room she could hear the hushed voices of Ned and the Maester. When the door creaked open, all eyes in the room turned to her. Theon ran in front of her to where Robb was sitting beside the bed. She had forgot about Theon. Catelyn made her was over to Ned. Her husband looked exhausted. He looked like he had been awake for days, his eyes closing every so often only to jolt awake again. The Maester looked the same. He had been with the Bastard the longest, only taking short breaks. "Ned you look terrible. Go to our chambers and sleep. The same to you Maester, go to bed. I will watch the boy. If anything happens I will send for you both. Now go" Catelyn put an authorized voice while saying this. She knew they would both need to be persuaded to leave the sick boy. upon leaving the Maester pulled Catelyn to the side. "If he makes it through the night, he will survive. But it will be a long night."

After more ordering the two men left, leaving Catelyn alone with Robb, Theon, and the Bastard. Catelyn walked over to her son and took him in her lap. "Robb it's time for bed. You can come back tomorrow. You as well Theon. It's been a long day for you both." She kissed her son good night and watched as the two boys left the room.

Now Catelyn was left alone in the room with the Bastard. She could see the spots over his body. He was in a deep sleep, with a rag over his forehead. She remembered that the boy had a rising fever. She took the cloth and put it in the water bucket. As she rung it out she could hear the boy whimpering. She put the cloth back over his forehead watching drops of water pouring from the cloth. The boy began to cough lightly. As she sat beside the child she had cursed, she couldn't help but feel bad. The boy of six was laying on his back, cloth over his forehead. How could a woman, a mother, wish this upon any child? Especially one who had no mother to love him. She had become what she feared. A monster.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Catelyn Stark sat beside the bed of her husbands Bastard. The boy was sound asleep. The only noise it the room was his occasional whimpering and coughing. She had been by his side for near an hour. Catelyn grew tired of her thoughts. Should the boy die? Should he live? Suddenly Catelyn's thoughts were interrupted when the Bastard broke into a coughing fit. The boy couldn't catch his breath, couldn't breathe. The expression he wore was one of suffering. Catelyn looked at the boy, and suddenly it was as if she saw him for the first time. A young boy with no mother, cursed my her. "Family, Duty, Honor" Those where the Tully House words. The boy was a part of her family whether she wanted him to be or not. What honor was there in abandoning an innocent child. Catelyn was ashamed of herself. She let her pride get in the way of her duty. She knew that as a mother, she should love a child without a mother.

Catelyn looked around the room. It wasn't too late to pray for the boy. There was a chance he could get better. She called for the servants to bring pieces of wood she needed. It took a few minutes until they came back to the tower. The Lady of Winterfell took the pieces in her hands and began to work.

Catelyn began to pray for the boy. _Please let him live. Let him live._ She started to weave the strands of wood together. Piece by piece the prayer wheel began to take its shape. Catelyn worked for hours until the wheel was complete.

The boy began to cough again which drew her attention. She replaced the cloth on his forehead. He was hot to the touch. The boy reutrned to a deer sleep. He still had the dark circles under his eyes. He was still pale as the sheets which were at his waist. "Any God that is listening. Please, don't take the boy. He is innocent. This is all my fault" she cried. It was as if the Gods listened to her curse but refused to save the boy. Catelyn was getting desperate. _How will Ned react if the boy dies? Will he know this was he fault? Would she be tried for treason and executed?_ She couldn't bear the thought of her children growing up motherless like the Bastard which lay in front of her.

Catelyn stood up and walked over to the window. The cloudless sky loomed over head. Only the moon shone through the window. "If you save the boy, I will raise him as if he is my own son. I will talk to Ned to get him legitimized. He will have the Stark name. I will do anything, just let the boy live." Tears fell from her face. What else could she do? Catelyn awaited and answer that never came. She returned to her seat beside the boys bedside. She waited at his side until she could see the sun appearing over the horizon.

A knock sounded at the door. Ned and the Maester apeared and walked over to the bed. Jon was still asleep. The Maester felt the boys forehead. "He made it through the night. It looks as though his fever has gone down. He will live" Catelyn released a breath she didn't realize she was holding. _The God's had answered her prayer._

* * *

The boy woke a few hours later. He was disoriented but in high spirits. In a few days he could go back to sparring with Robb. Since he woke up, Robb and the Maester had never left his side. His father had to return to ruling the North. Lady Catelyn stayed away from his chambers like Jon knew she would. She hated him. He knew she was a good mother to her children. She gave Robb and Sanza the care and attention they needed. When Robb got scared in the night, he could crawl in his parents chambers and stay with them. Jon wanted that, a mother who would love him and embrace him when he was scared. A mother who didn't care he was a Bastard.

When he was well enough, Jon went down to the great hall and took a seat beside Robb. He could see his father laughing with other Lords. Jon looked around but could not find Lady Catelyn. He finished his breakfast and left the hall with Robb. The boys had a day off training and decided to go down to the crypts under Winterfell. They would pretend they were Lords or Kings. Jon would imagine himself a Lord. This was the only time in his life he would be able to call himself one. He didn't want to think about what would happen when he got older. In this moment he could be whoever he wanted. Not the Bastard or Winterfell.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Years had passed since the Bastard got the pox. Catelyn's family was growing before her eyes. She had two sons and two daughters. The Maester had told her that she was pregnant again. She was to tell Ned tonight. Catelyn stood on the balcony over looking the training yard. Her son Robb was growing into a fine young man. He was becoming like his father. Robb was his fathers son, he was honorable and fair to the people of Winterfell. Sanza and Arya were with the Septa completing their needle work. As Catelyn was thinking about her children, she heard the sound of swords clashing. Robb was sparing with Theon Greyjoy. Within minutes Robb had beaten the Iron born and knocked him to the ground. Robb gave Theon a hand and pulled him to his feet. She had raised a proper son. Catelyn looked over to the edge of the training yard to see the Bastard with a small smile on his face. His eyes were bright as he watched Robb get the better of Theon. Catelyn glared at the boy.

On occasion she would think of the promise she made to the Gods, _"If you save the boy, I will raise him as if he is my own son. I will talk to Ned to get him legitimized. He will_ _have the Stark name. I will do anything, just let the boy live."_ Her thoughts quickly turned. She didn't want to remember what she promised. She only made that promise so the boy would live. The God's granted the Bastard his life which seemed enough. He was alive so Catelyn told herself that he didn't need the Stark name. She told herself this over and over until she believed it. _He is my husbands Bastard, why should I love him?_ The promise she made years ago to the Gods would never bed fulfilled. She couldn't bring herself to ask Ned to legitimize the boy. He will always be a Bastard. He will always be a Snow.

Her thoughts were interupted when Bran ran up to his mother and hugged her. He only came up past her knees. Catelyn picked the young boy up. When she looked into his eyes, she could see her own. Tully eyes. My children don't look like Northerners. They are Tully's. Arya was the closest of her children who looked like their father. She had dark hair while the rest of her children had lighter colorings. It was the Bastard that looked like Ned. He had the same quiet personality of Ned. Catelyn was angry with the boy. Why should a half born look more like his father than his True Born children?

Catelyn took her son to his chambers and read to him. Her thoughts still returned to the Bastard. She knew that she could not kill an innocent child. Her jealously would not get the better of her. But Catelyn knows she cannot love the boy as if he were her son. He is still the Bastard of her husband. He won't be a Stark. He will always be a Snow.


End file.
